Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
