You smell like stripper and shame
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
