Don't make out with my wife yet
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
