We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
