Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
