you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize