I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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