Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
