you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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