someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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