Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My feet surprised me
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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