I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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