Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
