It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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