So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
