Quick, to the slutcave!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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