i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
