somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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