clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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