Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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