somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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