after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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