I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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