She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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