she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
