the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
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