Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
