I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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