I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize