What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
