The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
