no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
