Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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