she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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