I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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