Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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