She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
