Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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