I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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