That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
