Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
