Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
