i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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