he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
