so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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