New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
