he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
