Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
