In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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