Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The dick lei will go down in squad history
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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