I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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