I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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