My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
