how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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