I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
