you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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