Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
