Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
they need to just BURY HIM!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
