just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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