she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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