i think my tv is drunk
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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