so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
