Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
