So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
