508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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