I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
