I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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