Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
this must be what syphilis tastes like
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
