quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize