i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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