well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
