Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
that may or may not have been my penis.
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