Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
