The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
