You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
