I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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