Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Randomize
