I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
