i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Randomize