youre lurking in front of me
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
