We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
