You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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