My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We left the knife in your bed.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize