but the lizard people decide everything anyway
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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