The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
