the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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