haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
